April is Stress Awareness Month, and for many leaders, stress comes not from what they do, but from what they dwell on. How much energy are you wasting on things outside your control?
One of the biggest contributors to workplace overwhelm is spending too much time stressing about things you have no control or influence over. When we work with leaders and their teams, conversations often veer off course – especially in larger organisations. It usually starts with frustration about another department, decisions from head office, or that one problematic individual.
When this happens, I always bring things back to one of my favourite models for focusing the mind on what really counts: Stephen Covey’s Circles of Control, Influence and Concern.
Where Is Your Leadership Energy Going?
Ask yourself: “In the last 24 hours, what percentage of my leadership energy went to things I can directly control versus conditions I cannot change?”
The Leadership Focus Problem That Undermines Effectiveness
Leaders often exhaust themselves obsessing over market threats, competitor moves, and organisational politics, creating a ripple effect of frustration and learned helplessness throughout their teams.
Understanding Stephen Covey’s Three Circles Framework
Covey’s powerful framework helps leaders clarify where to focus their energy:
- Circle of Concern: These are things that affect you but are out of your control – the economy, competitor actions, organisational restructuring, market shifts, global events. Covey suggests most leaders spend 60–80% of their energy here.
- Circle of Influence: Areas where you can have some impact, though not full control – team engagement, collaboration across departments, customer perceptions, process improvements.
- Circle of Control: What you can directly control – your behaviours, responses, attitudes, and efforts. This includes how you conduct meetings, how you manage your team, what questions you ask, and how you respond to challenges.
The key insight? Focusing on your Circle of Control gradually expands your Circle of Influence. The more consistently you demonstrate control-focused behaviours, the greater your leadership impact becomes.
Proactive leaders concentrate inward on what they can control. Reactive leaders exhaust themselves focusing outward on what they can’t, and their influence shrinks as a result.
Culture Follows Focus
Your team watches what you do more than they listen to what you say.
If you consistently focus on uncontrollable external factors, your team will too. But if you take responsibility for your own responses, regardless of circumstances, your team will gradually mirror that mindset.
Leadership isn’t just about setting direction – it’s about setting the tone.
From Leadership Pitfall to Leadership Power
Start by honestly assessing where your energy goes. For many leaders, this realisation is sobering: they spend most of their mental energy on uncontrollable concerns.
Try this:
- Track where your time and attention go each day for a week.
- Categorise each activity or worry as within your control, influence, or concern only.
- Calculate what percentage of your energy goes to each circle.
- Note when you feel most frustrated or helpless – which circle were you focused on?
Common Energy Drains for Leaders:
- Worrying about decisions made at higher levels
- Frustration about market conditions
- Complaints about policies you didn’t create
- Concern over another department’s performance
Shift Your Language, Shift Your Mindset
Change begins with language. Move from reactive to proactive thinking:
- Replace “I have to” with “I choose to”
- Eliminate “they should” from your vocabulary
- Swap “if only they would” with “what can I do?”
- End discussions with a focus on what you can control
Daily Practices to Build Focus:
- Start the day by identifying what’s within your control
- Before meetings, commit to specific behaviours you want to demonstrate
- When triggered, pause for five seconds before responding
- End the day noting where you stayed focused on controllables
Expanding Your Influence Through Consistent Behaviour
Leadership credibility is built through consistently demonstrating what you can control:
- Starting meetings on time
- Listening without interrupting
- Addressing issues directly
- Acknowledging contributions
In times of change, this consistency provides calm and clarity. When everything else feels uncertain, you become the fixed point in a changing landscape.
Leaders who demand accountability without modelling it create cynicism. But those who lead by example earn trust and commitment.
From Reacting to Responding
Reacting is automatic. Responding is a conscious choice.
The space between stimulus and response is where your leadership power lives.
Leading Your Team with the Circles Model
Help your team apply this framework:
- When someone brings a problem, ask: “What can you control or influence here?”
- In team discussions, ask: “Given these circumstances, what actions can we take?”
- Create accountability for consistent behaviours, not just occasional performance.
- If the conversation drifts toward the uncontrollable, gently redirect: “That’s outside our control. What can we influence through our actions?”
Your Path Forward
The most powerful force shaping your daily outcomes is where you choose to focus your energy.
By narrowing your attention to what you can directly control – especially your own behaviour – you expand your influence and reduce stress.
Begin Tomorrow Morning:
Before checking emails or heading into meetings, take five minutes to:
- Ask: Where am I spending my energy?
- Identify one action entirely within your control that will move the situation forward
- Commit to taking that action
- Notice when your focus drifts and gently redirect back to controllables
Track your energy for one week. Categorise your focus by Circle of Control, Influence, or Concern. Let the results guide your shift.
Stress may be inevitable – but how you respond to it is a choice.
By controlling what you can, consistently and patiently, you create ripples that reshape your leadership, your team, and your organisation.
Your circle of control awaits your focus. Your circle of influence stands ready to expand.
