This is the 5th and final article in our series on emotional intelligence. To read earlier articles from our emotional intelligence series on Self Awareness, Self Regulation, Motivation, and Empathy please visit our blog
Most leaders believe their success comes from strategy, vision, or expertise.
But time and again, the differentiator is something far simpler, and often overlooked…
It’s the ability to connect, communicate, and create trust, in other words, the final element of EQ…social skills.
If emotional intelligence is the engine of leadership, social skills are the wheels that move it forward. They’re the visible expression of all the other elements of EQ, namely self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, and empathy, in other words, the way we connect, influence, and work with others.
Many people think “social skills” means being outgoing or charismatic. In reality, it’s not about personality type. It’s about the ability to communicate clearly, listen actively, resolve conflict, build trust, and foster collaboration. These are skills anyone can develop, and they are fundamental to leadership.
Why Social Skills Matter
As a leader, your success doesn’t depend only on what you know or how hard you work, it depends on your ability to take people with you towards the future you envision. Social skills allow you to:
- Build strong relationships so that collaboration feels natural.
- Earn trust and credibility with your team and peers.
- Navigate conflict constructively rather than letting it fester or avoiding it.
- Influence and inspire others, without relying on authority.
- Create psychological safety, where people feel heard and valued.
Studies consistently find that teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders perform better. For example, a meta-analysis of over 100 studies found a strong link between EQ and higher job satisfaction, commitment, and performance (Miao, Humphrey & Qian, 2017). Other research shows that when leaders create psychological safety, teams become more resilient, collaborative, and innovative (Edmondson, 1999). In a world where work is increasingly complex and interconnected, this element of EQ is not optional, it’s essential.
How to Strengthen Your EQ Social Skills
Like every other part of emotional intelligence, social skills can be developed with practice. If you feel this is an area you need to develop, here are some ways to start:
- Practice Active Listening
When someone is speaking, focus fully on their words rather than planning your response. Show you’re listening by clarifying with questions or summarising back what you’ve heard, so that you can be sure you’ve fully grasped what they are saying. People feel valued when they feel heard.
- Develop Empathic Curiosity
Go beyond surface-level conversations. Ask open questions, listen with genuine interest, and try to recognise and understand the emotions behind people’s words. This builds deeper connections and trust.
- Communicate Clearly and Respectfully
Strong emotionally intelligent leaders adapt their communication to the audience. Keep messages clear, concise, and free of jargon as much as possible. Be assertive about your needs while staying respectful of others.
- Get Comfortable with Feedback
Giving feedback well means framing it as support, not criticism. Receiving feedback well means avoiding defensiveness (even when you don’t agree with it!) and showing appreciation for the other person’s perspective. Both build stronger relationships.
- Manage Conflict Constructively
See conflict as an opportunity to surface different perspectives. Be curious about the other persons point of view. Focus on shared goals and outcomes, rather than personal positions. This transforms tension into collaboration.
- Build Bridges Across Your Network
Social skills are about more than just your immediate team. Reach out to people you don’t usually work with, show appreciation for their contributions, and create connections that benefit the wider organisation.
Excellence not Perfection
As leaders, it can be easy when we’re self-reflecting to give ourselves a hard time and focus on what we got wrong.
I can personally think of examples for all the above points when I completely miss the mark.
- When I’m really excited or passionate about an idea and I talk over someone.
- When I miss the opportunity to dig a little deeper and connect more deeply with a team member.
- When I think I’m being clear but someone in the team leaves the room in a complete fog.
- When feedback lands badly and results in my defensive barriers going up.
- When I avoid or put off having a difficult conversation…even though in my heart of hearts I know it won’t go away and will delay progress.
- When I don’t reach out to others or thank someone outside the team for their support.
We’re human and we don’t always get it right. I know that when I miss these, the team feels it. That’s why working on social skills is never ‘done’, it’s an ongoing leadership practice…but self-reflection and focus on improvement is how we grow.
Social Skills and Leadership
Ultimately, social skills are what turn emotional intelligence from theory into practice. They make you a leader people want to follow, not because they have to, but because they choose to.
Leaders who genuinely invest in developing their social skills:
- Inspire loyalty and commitment.
- Create cultures of openness and collaboration.
- Handle difficult conversations with grace.
- Unlock creativity and innovation by making space for every voice.
Small Steps You Can Try This Week
If you’d like to put some of this into practice straight away, why not try one of these:
- At your next meeting, deliberately invite input from quieter team members.
- Take 10 minutes to check in with a colleague about their current challenges and simply listen without trying to fix.
- Give specific, positive feedback to someone, whose work/support you appreciate.
- In your next disagreement, discuss the common goal before discussing solutions.
Final thought:
The best leaders aren’t the ones with the loudest voices or the sharpest strategies. They’re the ones who take people with them, and social skills is how they do it.
As the final piece of the emotional intelligence puzzle, social skills ensure you’re not just managing tasks, but leading people. Mastering them enables you to create the conditions where others can thrive alongside you.